Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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