He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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