oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
