you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
