I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize