Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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