So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
