community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
