**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So much Jack, so little girl.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize