Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
