god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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