i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
