You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
