there was a trapeze. enough said
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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