Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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