i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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