Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
