Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
