I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
