I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
