Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize