So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
