if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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