you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone signed my nipple.
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