nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
