So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
