You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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