Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
