he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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