I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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