just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
