then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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