ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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