Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
