Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
