my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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