Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
