I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
