are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize