I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
