Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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