he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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