it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
