He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
