wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
