I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
