I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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