My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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