I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
