I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
