After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
