i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
