Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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