next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
