a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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