Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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