You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
