I'm going to jail i love you
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
