he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He has the fingertips of a God
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
