he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
