honey bunches of taint.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Couch. On fire.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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