i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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