I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
