my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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