watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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