sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
