and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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