just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
