2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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