conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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