The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
