the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
